How not to put a map on a kitchen table.

My kitchen table was a mess quite honestly. We willynilly painted all over it, dug scalpels into it and generally abused it's accomodating nature. In return for this maltreatment it wobbled irritatingly. Time for a makeover! I love maps and the enjoyment of them seems to be a bit of a family trait in our household so a map it was. A big map.
So, being the sort of person who just 'starts' regardless, I started at breakfast! All you need is a table and some maps, right? I had the additional aid of a boy eating cereal, a stuffed bunny and a red blood cell. That's that red thing on the table made by the eccentric and fabulous Fur will fly. All very useful.
So I cut and glued and stuck and smoothed until I had all the edges covered. Pretty good, eh? Then came the BIG map. My specially bought, paper, map all cosseted in it's protective tubing. Such a pretty map. I glued one end and stuck it to the table and then called my husband to help. He stood on the table, holding the rest of it up, whilst I tried to glue it. Remember that this IS NOT a tutorial. You cannot spread PVA with a very small brush onto a large sheet of paper being held in mid air. So I shouted at him because it was SO obviously his fault because he was JUST STANDING THERE holding the paper IN THE WRONG WAY!!!!! Spray Mount. Yes, that'll do it! The nozzle was all gummed up and shot out at an angle. So I spray-mounted my wrist and then the floor. Now I'm stomping around with my feet going 'schwrit ..schiwrit...schiwrit' brandishing an aerosol yelling at the kids to GET OUT OF THE WAY! We get the map flat on the table but most if it isn't stuck. Never mind. My husband decides he has something better to do. Damnation!
I spent a very happy few hours (alone - my family instinctively know when to KEEP OUT OF THE WAY) sticking all those lovely information bits round the edges. I love them. Ocean currents, volcanic activity, tectonic plate movements, time zones ...... I was right back in that geography lesson. And the boys are all running in to have a look an pour over the information. How warm and fuzzy I am feeling!
All done!
Then I varnish it.
It all bubbles up.
All the bits where the spray mount didn't go.
Which is most of the centre of the map.
I didn't weep
only nearly........
When it was all dry it looks terrible. Terrible. I shout again. "WILL YOU STOP TELLING ME IT'S BECAUSE THERE IS NOT ENOUGH GLUE ON IT!!!!" and "I KNOW there is NOT ENOUGH glue on it!". And other variations. So, after much discussion,we conclude that there was not enough glue on it. The only choice is to PUT more glue on it. I cut and lift up flappy sections of the map and re-glue them all. I smooth and smooth and smooth it all out over and over. Then a bit rips! GAH! I won't be defeated!! I am The Map Meister! I flap, stick and smooth for hours until IT'S DONE!!! It looks fabulous! It is still not very flat. There are lumps and bumps but I don't care - it is wonderful.
I'm starting on the chairs now.